Have you ever done something for one of your children or even your spouse which you considered to be a huge expression of love and it was met with little or no reaction? Perhaps it was because your action wasn't delivered in the right language -- Love Language that is. Gary Chapman has written several books on the topic of love languages. I think it is such a neat concept. Basically, his theory is that all of us speak one of five love languages as our primary language. The languages are:
*Small gifts -- A little gift like the chocolate wrapped to look like a soccer ball means more to the new soccer team member than being told what an awesome job making the team.
*Quality time -- Nothing makes you feel more loved than to have someone say they'll go to the grocery store with you or suggest that you take a walk together.
*Acts of service --An offer of a helping hand makes your day!
*Physical touch -- This can be a hug, a pat on the shoulder or even rough-housing.
*Words of affirmation -- The person who speaks this love language, appreciates compliments, such as, you look really nice today or you did a fantastic job on the yard.
We tend to speak our love language to everyone and don't take the time or have the knowledge to know when another love language would be more appreciated. The first step to learning about love languages is to decide which one you speak. The best way to do that is to ask yourself which one of the acts above would hurt you the most if your spouse failed to do it. Which one would you appreciate the most? They're probably the same. That's your love language. Then ask your family members the same questions to determine their primary language.
A parent who was going through some challenging times with one of her children remembered that when he was little, he loved to have his back rubbed. She thought she would try the Love Language of Physical Touch. She reported a real change of attitude when she started making the effort to rub his back, put her arms around his shoulders and even the good-humored pokes. Another parent found her that her daughter opened up from the simple discovery of a chocolate on her pillow.
To find out more information on this idea, I recommend reading any of the books in the Love Language series. My favorite is "The World's Easiest Guide to Family Relationships" by Gary Chapman. It's an easy, fun read with bits of humor thrown in. It explains all of the Love Languages and takes you through all of the family relationships starting with dating. He also has Love Languages for Teens, for Children, for couples..all sorts of them!
